Manifestas

It just feels like yesterday. Yesterday when I saw them at the breakfast table about 7am. Yesterday when he poked his index finger lightly on her shoulder. Yesterday when I heard him laugh and saw her smile.

It just feels like yesterday. Yesterday when I was a brat who woke her up when she snored just because I couldn’t sleep with the nasal orchestra. And I was the brat who woke her up just because I couldn’t sleep after watching a scary show. And I was the brat who was always thankful she would wake up without complaints to chat with me in the wee hours of the night.

It just feels like yesterday. Yesterday when he would make silly faces at me when I looked at him. When he would fart and blamed me for it. And he would laugh about it. And I would laugh too because I would fart after him. And she would also laughed.

It sure feels like yesterday. Yesterday when she was suddenly weak. And when she grew stronger, I thought there was hope. Hope for me to be able to do more for her. But her toes went as pale as sheet, as cold as ice. I rubbed her arm and called her gently. Her eyes that had suddenly turned lifeless and grey was trying to search for me. I tried to hide my tears even though I knew she couldn’t see me. I tried to hide my tears even though I could sense it was time.

It sure feels like yesterday. Yesterday when the walking stick had lost its purpose. Yesterday when their room became his room. And he filled it with smoke. Smoke so thick, it couldn’t even fade or hide his sadness. His loneliness. His love.

Empty.

It sure feels like yesterday. Yesterday when he made me laugh for the last time. His face looked different; his skin fairer, his eyes puffy. But I didn’t sense anything. I last saw his smile at the bookshop where I left him. And the next thing I knew, he laid on the dry tiles of the bathroom like a sleeping child. He left. And he left alone.

For both moments, my heart felt as though it had been trampled on. It felt as though it had been squished and life was slowly oozing out of it. What was left was just a lifeless prune - so small, so sour. My body trembled uncontrollably. My breathing was full of hiccups. My throat became thick as though it was full of lava of bitterness. My soul cried without an end.

It was just yesterday. Yesterday that I felt like that again. Like what I had felt many times. The only difference was that I didn’t pretend that I was strong. I let my self be weak. I let my self weep with my soul. I wept and I cried out loud that I miss them so much. I miss my grandparents so much.

It was yesterday that I cried a lot. And somehow I felt comforted.